Teacher Berry
by otakuichigo
Summary: Inspired by Pani Poni Dash. Ichigo is a 13 year old teacher at Karakura High and it seems everything is going well until...
1. A little berry

A roar of laughter echoed throughout the classroom of 1C followed by a chorus room of laughter. A little boy, probably 12 or 13 years-old, scowled a little as he stood before the door that was connected to that of class 1C. He rubbed his temples. "I have a bad feeling about this," he muttered. He sighed. "No going back now." The boy took a deep breath and opened the door. Everything and everyone was silent. The students were staring, mostly captured by his orange hair and big, brown eyes but mainly were confused as to why he was there. The boy went over to the desk and sat on it, cross-legged, and looked up at them. "Hi, my name is Ichigo Kurosaki and I'm your teacher," he said. The class stayed silent for another minute before roaring in laughter.

"This kid's a riot!"

"And with a serious face, too!''

"Hey kid, why don't you go back to your school? This school is for big kids, not for little shrimps like you."

Ichigo sighed. He had anticipated this and hopped off the desk. He left the classroom, only to return moments later with the principal of the school, Old Man Yamamoto. The students quieted down when they saw him. Yamamoto-kochō* held a cane in one hand and was dressed in a black suit with an overgrown white cape with a symbol on the back. He had a long, gray beard and was very wrinkly, but he had an aura that emitted power and respect. "Now, what seems to be the problem? This young man is my grandson and your new teacher. If I have to come back here, there will be consequences."

"But this has to be some sort of joke, right? I mean, he's just a kid," said one student.

"Yes but this kid went to college and graduated,"said Ichigo.

"Correct. And if there is to be any problems, you will have to deal with your teacher. He knows how to 'put' students back in their place,"said the principal and with that, he left. Ichigo went back to the desk and hopped back on it. He sighed, "Now, that that's been cleared. Let's set some ground rules here but first, my name. It means 'one who protects', not Strawberry. Anyone who calls me that will seriously get their asses kicked. Anyway, I'm your teacher for this school year and the next. Any complaints from any one of you can get the fuck out now." He looked around the room and saw no one get up. "No takers?," he challenged. "Good. Now the ground rules are: if you can't handle the fact that a 13 year old is instructing you, then get the hell out. If you believe you can't do these lessons, then get out of my class 'cause I don't do pussies who can't get it up. If you're one of those students who don't do work at all, then get the fuck out of my class."

No one said anything or moved an inch when the small teen finished. Then, Ichigo gave everyone a bright smile. "Alright!," he said excitedly, "How about all of you introduce yourselves?"

What the fuck? Was this kid bipolar or some shit? The students stared at their kid teacher who was smiling at them like nothing had happened the past ten minutes. A girl with long, orange hair that was a shade lighter than Ichigo's and a very large bosom with gray eyes stood up. Ichigo gasped.

"Orihime?"

The girl smiled. "Hi, Ichigo-kun, its nice to see you again."

Everyone gaped at Orihime. She knew this crazy kid?!

Ichigo chuckled. "Its nice to see you again, too, Hime-chan. And thanks for not using the formality. I really hate being formal." Orihime nodded and sat down. "OK. So, whose next?"

Another student stood up. He was tall and lanky with long, black hair cascading over his shoulders. He wore an eye patch over his left eye and had one violet eye. "Da name's Nnoitra Jiruga." Ichigo raised an orange eyebrow.

"What do you like to do, Jiruga-san?," he asked.

"Well, I like to fuck and-Ack!" A flying shoe hit him in the face and he fell to the floor with a hard thud.

"What the fuck, kid!?" Nnoitra glared at the chibi teacher.

"I won't be accepting that in my classroom, Jiruga," the boy stated, coldly.

The students around the lanky teen snickered at his form on the floor. "

"Now what do you really like to do?" Nnoitra continued to glared at Ichigo before speaking once more. "Fine. I like to blow up things...and sports.

Ichigo was silent for a moment and jumped off his desk. He went over to the other and stood above him. "Like explosives?" Jiruga nodded, watching as his teacher picked up his shoe and put back on. His teacher smirked at him. "I have a friend who likes to blow up things. He's a scientist. His name is Szayelapporo Grantz, but he prefers Szayel," said the orange-haired kid. "Have you ever dealt with C-4?" Nnoitra shook his head and the boy laughed.

"You should it's fun. Do you want to meet him? He's been looking for a new assistant to help him out in the lab. I can recommend you to him." The tall teen jumped up and said, "Yes!" The boy laughed again and everyone started to converse with him, interested in their new sensei.

After that, Ichigo was waving goodbye to his students, smiling. He was happy to know that maybe this school year wouldn't be so bad. But, boy, oh boy, how wrong and right he was.

Did you like it? Yes? No?

If it reflects or seems like I copied Pani Poni Dash, I can always edit it. Anyway, please leave a review.

Ichigo: You're not really good at this type of thing are you?

Me: Nope. :3


	2. Angry Berry

Chapter 2- Angry Berry

Warning: foul language, flying blunt objects, etc.

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach. If I did, Ichigo and Grimmy would be doing it everywhere.

Now, on with the story.

...

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Ichigo was steaming. He was yelling at Nnoitra and his buddy, Grimmjow Jeagerjacques, who were both looking as if they had got caught smuggling drugs in Singapore. However, that wasn't the case.

"How the fuck do you sick fucks not know this?! It's so fucking easy! It's poetry, for God's sake!," the shota yelled. The young teen would've flipped his desk in his raging state but, apparently, he seemed more fit throwing objects at his two students. "H-hey teach, cool it. We just didn't understand, ok?," said a nervous Nnoitra, who ducked to avoid a pencil to the eye.

'Yea, teach," came Jeagerjacques's agreement. But that did nothing to soothe the fire they had caused within the boy. If anything, they just added more fuel to the fire. Ichigo began to growl. "Understand? Under-fucking-stand?! There's nothing to understand! Stark can do this shit better than you asswipes. **STARRRK!**"

A yawn was his answer. Then, a sleepy, deep voice drawled out a "Yea, Ichi-sensei?" The two delinquents turned towards the voice that belonged to a wavy, brown-haired teen with bedroom sleepy, light gray eyes who was known as none other than, Coyote Starrk. They both glared at him, considering he was the smartest in the class besides Uryu Ishida. He always got to sleep in class and what was worse was that their chibi teacher allowed it!

"Coyote-san, tell these two idiots"- a pair of erasers were thrown and hit the 'idiots' in their faces, making them fall from their seats-"what poetry is all about." Stark sighed and started to explain. "Well, since I could never found the true origin of poetry, although, I guess it has been a long time if anyone knows it, but poetry is an art for people to express themselves, like a song or a painting that speaks an emotion. Poetry is different since there are different types of them, like the haiku, concrete, freestyle, et cetera. Its a form of outlet to let out pent-up frustration and such. That's all I can say."

The girls swooned and sighed.

Ichigo smiled. "Thank you, Coyote. You can go to back to your nap."

Stark nodded before laying his head back down, falling into an instant slumber. Nnoitra sneered and Grimmjow just continued to glare at the now sleeping teen. ''Smartass," they muttered. A ruler hit them on the head, hard. Really hard. They cried in agony. "That hurt, Ichigo!," yelled Grimmjow.

"It should, ya fucking cat! You and this motherfucker's grades are as low as the degrees in Antarctica! So, if you want to pass this class, get some damn tutoring!," the boy yelled. However, it sounded more like, "If you don't want to end up in a ditch, you better get some tutoring."

They cringed and shuddered. They feared the kid teacher and Ichigo could feel the fear rolling off of their bodies.

Suddenly, a hand was raised.

"Yes, Orihime?"

The girl blushed. "Uhh...Ichigo-kun, how about you tutor them?," she suggested. Nnoitra and Grimmjow's eyes widened comically. They turned in their seats and started making hand gestures, interpreting that that was a totally bad idea. Does she not see how scary he is!?

However, Ichigo seemed to consider the idea. "Hmmm, a private tutoring session?," he said. The shota grinned manically, but to the students, it seemed cute. He clapped. "Orihime! You wondrous, beautiful girl, you! That's a excellent idea," he beamed. Orihime smiled. Ichigo then turned to the two in front of him. "Jiruga, Jeagerjacques, you two will report to my house every Friday starting this week until I notice some improvements," the boy instructed.

Translation: "If you two don't get your asses to my house this week, I'm gonna kill you and make it look like a bloody accident."

They instantly gulped.

"Anyone else who wants to join can follow me after class if you believe you may have difficulty with literature," Ichigo informed.

"Creep status!"

"Suck a tit and get stuffed, Shirosaki!"

...

I hoped you enjoyed this second chapter to Teacher Berry! I was having difficulty coming up with it but I got through it and here it is! Anyway, if any of you have noticed in the first chapter, there was a star next to Yamamoto-kochō. Well, kochō means principal and Yamamoto is the principal!

Well, bye! Until next time, my lovely berries! I don't own bleach in anyway.


	3. Tutoring Berry

Ok,** I have written this like three times because it just didn't seem right. One of them had Orihime in it because I thought of her the moment I thought of the boys Ichigo was going to tutor causing trouble in his home and another where Orihime is not needed because Ichigo could handle it and a surprise guest shows up. I just want to scream right now because it was frustrating coming up with the third one. And I can't show my mom because she's annoying and I just don't have that mother-daughter bond that you're suppose to have with your mom. Life is hard. Its never easy and if you're one of those people who're like, 'Too bad for you! I have that relationship!' Fuck you and I'm sorry for saying that. I'm just really pissed and I don't want to be mean to anyone. So ignore this saying. I hate my step dad and he can go to hell for all I care. And read this fucking horrible chapter. Leave a review when you're done or not cause fuck this shit. **

**I'm mad. Peace!**

**...**

'This is it. I am going to die, I am definitely going to die now. Goodbye, mom, Nel, the chicks I never got to bang out there. This is where my life ends.'

_Earlier..._

_It had came. They couldn't believe it had came! The day the two friends who had to be tutored by the devil himself, Ichigo Kurosaki, had reared its ugly, disgusting, Jeepers Creepers-looking head just to frightened them so they know now that they were not going home._

_Friday...Now to be recognized as the day that killed two students of Karakura High._

_Grimmjow and Nnoitra stood outside the school near its gates, waiting for their teacher to appear. Grimmjow was pacing back and forth as he tried to figure out a way out of this mess he and his accomplice created for themselves. But , like his grades, his chances were very low. He knew he couldn't get out of it, the kid was smart and not only that, he was deadly. _

"Goddamm it! Man, we are so fucking screwed! He's gonna chop us up, sell our pieces to a butcher, and we'll be fucking made into sandwiches that taste like failure and shit!," yelled the blue-haired teen.

"Dude, I'll fucking taste good. What the hell you talking 'bout?"

"Nnoi, we are going to Sensei's place. Wait a minute, what do you think his place looks like?"

"Its probably a mansion or some fancy shit like that."

"Hell no. My place is a house fused with a clinic because my dad is a doctor, shit-for-brains." The two students jumped at the sound of their teacher's voice and turned around. They noticed that they weren't going to Ichigo's house alone. Standing behind the chibi Berry was Orihime Inoue, Renji Abarai, and Shirosaki Taikei, otherwise known as Shiro because he prefers to be called that. Nnoitra dropped to his knees and thanked the Gods that he wasn't, probably, going to die today because the teacher couldn't kill him or Grimmjow with witnesses around.

Ichigo rolled his brown eyes and walked past the idiots, motioning with his right hand for them to follow. And pretty soon they were on their way to Ichigo's place, discussing the latest school drama.

"Oh my gosh! There's no way that Keigo is cheating on Tatsuki!," gasped Orihime.

"Orihime, baby. You naïve, little, sweet thing, you. Girl, its true," countered Shiro.

"B-but how?"

"I saw him all over that Riruka chick. Like seriously, I saw them kissing, just the whole make-out session. All tongue and teeth, maybe a little bite here and there. It was just nasty and just sick which is why I like dick."

Orihime blushed at Shiro's profane language and just looked down, ignoring the other male and standing next to Ichigo who was glaring the albino down.

"Don't use disgusting language like that, Taikei. You're going to make me sick," he said. Shiro just smirked.

"Don't be like that, teach. You're only just stepping into your teens. Who knows maybe you might grow up to like dick, too? Some guys might wanna tap that-AAAAAGHAAAAA! HOLY SHIT, MY DICK!" Shiro dropped to ground holding his precious man jewels as he stared up at his teacher who had kicked him in the balls. He had a trail of saliva dribbling down his chin and onto the concrete ground he was laying on. The orange-haired boy looked down menacingly at his pale student who seemed even paler than normal, if possible, and crouched down to his level. He grabbed the white strands and pulled the other's head off the ground. The boy smirked right in his face and giggled.

"You look so cute like that, Taikei. Maybe I do like dick or maybe I just like seeing people suffer. Aww, you crying? Don't cry, you're a man, aren't you? A man that probably takes it up the ass, right? Or maybe you give it out til you're all spent, huh? SAY THAT DISGUSTING SHIT TO ME AGAIN or I'll make sure if you ever want to have babies you won't have any, are we clear?" Shiro nodded, tears streaming down his face. Ichigo smiled and gave the teen a kiss on the lips. He let go of Shiro's hair and the shota watched as the other's head dropped. The little teacher turned to face his other students, who were looking on in shock 'cept Orihime whose quite used to Ichigo's unusual behavior. Renji went right over to the fallen male to help him up and use him as a standing support because of his testicle problem.

"Damn, I think..ugh, shit...fuck, I think one of my balls just popped. Fucking hell, the teach got one hell of a kick," the albino whined softly so the boy couldn't hear him. Grimmjow and Nnoitra looked at Ichigo who was back with Orihime, talking about the past. They exchange looks and shuddered. Man, they were going to die.

"What's going to be on your will, Nnoitra?"

"I don't know man. What about you?"

"Probably something valuable. It was good knowing you...brother."

Sniffles. "You, too...brother."

They hugged and continued on.

After the balls incident, they finally made it to Ichigo's house and by that time, Shiro could walk normally with only a slight limp. Ichigo stepped onto his porch and glanced back at his students. "Now, I'll only say this once, so listen up! Behind this door is something so horrendous and terrifying that you'll want to leave immediately since you've no idea of what's about to go down, my dear students. I know I may seem mean and a bit of a hard ass but its because I want you to be strong. Isn't that right, Orihime?" The girl cried silently as she nodded.

Ichigo nodded with her. "Right on, sister, right on." He turned to the rest. "If you want to leave, which you can't by the way, speak now."

The others opened their mouths but didn't say anything as the door had swung opened and a black blur had came right at Ichigo! But it seemed Ichigo was prepared and gave whatever it was a roundhouse kick. It went over the railing and into the small garden with a groan. The group looked over to see what the thing was and Orihime laughed. "Hello, Mister Kurosaki." Mister Kurosaki jumped up suddenly when he heard that voice and yelled, "Orihime! My loving daughter, its been too long!" He tried to hug the girl but was stopped by Ichigo's fist to his face which sent him flying into the house.

Ichigo snorted in annoyance. "Damn Goat Face! She's not your daughter and stop trying to attack me all the time, motherfucker!" The man got up, crocodile tears streaming down his cheeks as he suddenly appeared by a poster. The poster had a woman on it and by the way Ichigo's father was crying about 'their' son being mean to daddy, it seemed as though that woman was Ichigo's mother who seem to have passed away. Renji, Shiro, Grimmjow, and Nnoitra all sweat dropped at the display.

'This is insane,' they thought.

Orihime giggled and the boys turned their attention to her. She smiled at them.

"Don't mind them. They're always like this. I would know because I use to babysit Ichigo. Mister Kurosaki would always 'attack' Ichigo to help build up strength in him."

'No way! He's a fucking lunatic!', they thought again.

Suddenly, a set of footsteps caught everyone's attention. Two girls came downstairs and they both shouted.

"Big brother!"

"Ichi-nii!" Ichigo gave his father one last kick before turning towards his sister, all smiles as he spread his arms out wide. They came rushing at him and jumped into his waiting arms. He laughed and they all went crashing to the floor.

"Karin, Yuzu, how are you guys? I hope your day was okay and that you guys got home safe. Right?" The girls looked up at their brother, both smiling. They were twins albeit they didn't look like twins. One of them seem to resemble their dad while the other looked more like their mother on the poster with her warm , gray eyes. Karin, the black-haired one, huffed and pouted at her nii-chan."Baka Ichi-nii! We should be worried about you since its almost nighttime and its not safe out there." Yuzu, the other twin, pouted at her brother, too, silently agreeing with her twin sister. Ichigo laughed.

"Sorry, sorry, I had a little trouble with one of my students." He said that while stealing glances at Shiro who hid behind Renji. "It won't happen again, I swear."

"Good. Yuzu has yet to make dinner so go wash up."

"I can't make it to dinner. I have to tutor my students." Ichigo motioned for his group to come inside. And they did. Yuzu's eyes lit up when she saw Shiro and ran towards him. She looked at him and was in awe at how pale and beautiful he looked.

"So pretty~. Hey, mister?" Shiro looked down at the little Kurosaki twin and smiled.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I like your skin. It has a pretty color and your hair matches it. White is my favorite color." Shiro grinned at the little girl and thanked her for the compliment. Pretty soon after the chaos had died down, Ichigo got his students up to his room. The group noticed that their young teacher's room isn't like most kids his age. It was more...mature and simple. It seemed to fit a boy of his standards. Ichigo went over to a desk in his room while the students piled in. They all got settled and Ichigo began his tutoring. For the past several minutes, they studied and worked, mostly yelling was involved at Nnoitra and Grimmjow. As time went on, Yuzu occasionally brought snacks up to them so they could eat, considering that they might have to stay over since it was way too dangerous to go home at night. Especially since a newfound gang was discovered and murders have been increasing with five people a day.

Ichigo had arranged everything. The boys would sleep in the guest room while Orihime slept with the twins. Karin seem the least bit excited since she's not much a girly kind of girl, she's more of a tomboy and prefers herself that way. "Okay! Let's stop here for today, we can resume next Friday. Remember, we're on the topic of poetry and I'll be going over it again on Monday because there will be a test on this. I'm just not gonna tell you when, so be prepared! Now get out of my room." Ichigo dismissed the others and they left to go to their rooms. Grimmjow went downstairs to get away from the others, especially Shiro's rude ass. When the teen reached the bottom of the staircase, something caught his eye. It was a picture. A picture of a younger looking Ichigo with a big smile on his face standing next to some red-haired chick. The girl was pretty, Grimmjow couldn't deny that, but she seemed off. Like there was something about her that spelled psycho.

"I wonder who she is?"

"Grimmjow, what the fuck are you doing?"

The blue-haired teen jumped into mid-air as the all too familiar voice had him startled. He turned around to come face to face with Ichigo who was scowling.

'Holy shit. He seems pissed!'

"I'm waiting."

'Well, I know I can't come up with any good excuse.' "I was just looking at this photo of you and this girl."

'I'm gonna die!'

"So, you were snooping around?"

'This is it. I am going to die, I am definitely going to die now. Goodbye, mom, Nel, the chicks I never got to bang out there. This is where my life ends.'

_Meanwhile..._

_"Yes, I know. Whatever, yeah. OK, just shut up!" A young woman with fiery, red hair and burgundy, dull eyes hung up her phone as she disconnected the call. She was outside an airport, her luggage standing beside her as she took out a cigarette, lighting it up. She inhaled and looked up at the night sky, exhaling the smoke into the clear air. She smiled._

_"Ichigo, my dear boy. Its been a while."_

_..._

_Leave a review cause I don't care anymore. I've been up all night and have not had just a wink of sleep. AND STUPID FUCKING AUTOCORRECT!_


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